Something strange is going on:

my house is messy so I go stay in a hotel.

I need to do laundry so I buy new clothes

I’m down to condiments and wine in my fridge… so I go out for supper? I guess condiment toast is good when you’re drunk, though…

I don’t really like the person who is forming here. But I don’t really want to do my chores either.

Do you ever have to talk to your inner five-year-old?

“Do you have to pee? Why are you wiggling? Is it because you have to pee? Do you maybe just want to go to the washroom and see if you have to pee?”

“Do you need a nap? You seem a little grumpy… maybe if you just lay down for a while and close your eyes you’d feel better.”

“Just have two cookies, that’s enough. Ok, five, but put the bag away now, that’s enough… Maybe you feel sick because you ate the whole bag, I told you, didn’t I?”

“Don’t eat that, it was on the floor.”

“I know it’s shiny but that doesn’t mean you have to buy it. I don’t care if you have a credit card.”