Category Archives: Writing

COVID-19 Journal – Entry 49

During my couple of weeks vacation last October I was sorting through my paper archive and making them into a digital archive. That was discussed here, in Entry 39! I’m on holiday again now, so it has occurred to me to follow up with that project and perhaps finish it. Maybe? I don’t know. The external hard drive I got to store said archive on BROKE, so that was concerning, and not conducive to encouraging me to digitize more. (I was able to save my digital archive before it crapped out so at least there’s that, I suppose.)

As I was going through all of my old papers and notes and things, I realized that I never really took the time to sit back and reflect on everything I learned at university. For example, I spent a great deal of my university years (ages 19 through 24 approx) reflecting on my teen years and childhood, both as a part of leaving them behind as I became an adult, but also mining them for story ideas as I completed my degree in creative writing. I needed lots of ideas on a regular schedule, and those years were at hand for inspiration and as the obvious “write what you know” paradigm.

But what I’ve come to realize is that after university, I was off to the races. I looked more to where I was at the time, and to the future, and what I should do with my life. I looked less to the past. I mean, I totally carried what I learned in university with me: that is definitely my base of knowledge and the perspective through which I view the world. Maybe if I had gone into a more creative career I would have needed to mine it more, but as it turned out, I used only what I needed to keep myself happy creatively, with no pressure to produce.


It could be, too, that at I had a lot of one thing after another through my 20s. I jumped from one educational program to the next, trying to figure out what I should do and what I should be, until I realized/decided that I should be someone who makes money and jumped at a chance to do that.

Nothing is wasted, I’m not saying that, and I’m not regretting anything. It’s interesting looking back, and recalling this chunk of time I’ve never reflected upon before. I’m inspired by what I’ve been through and who I was then, and who I’ve become because of those experiences and that person.

***

One of my favourite parts of looking through old schoolwork is that it documents clearly the development of my writing technique, craft, and voice. Looking at writing in first year and second year is fine. Not great, but fine. can see what I’m attempting. I’m playing around with the format of fiction. There’s some things that are really starting to work.

Then in third year, everything just sucks. I don’t know if maybe I was out partying more, or just hanging out with friends in residence and not working so much on my school work. Or it could be that I was thinking too much: at that point where I’ve figured some stuff out, am getting a grasp on the rules, and just loose some of that natural voice I had before. All my stories from this year seem forced and un-genuine. Looking at them now, because I took care to save even the crap, I wonder what I was thinking, why I even bothered. Holy cow. So bad. I’m surprised I didn’t quit – but the. I probably didn’t notice how atrocious things were.

Fourth year was a bit of a different time for me. I had to learn how to focus. I had a lot going on so I had to get organized exactly what I was focused on and when. I had a job working in wardrobe at the Phoenix theatre on campus, and that took some hours, and in the spring I did a technical internship at the Belfry, which took even more. In between those I was finishing my degree.

While I asked my self why I bothered in third year, looking at writing from fourth year makes my say ahh. This is why. Especially in the second term, I found my voice. And I remember noticing at the time that something was different. I had more confidence, and I knew what I wanted to say, and what I wanted to accomplish with my craft. I spoke up I my workshop classes, because I had things to say about others works, too, where before I was shy. I was published in the student anthology, and read my pice out loud at its launch. (Ok that last one was only after being cornered by the editor in the photocopy shop after not responding to her emails…) Things started to make sense. And I still have the documentation that shows all that. It’s glorious.

Looking at my old schoolwork, I wonder why I didn’t just do this, or that, the answer being so obvious to me now. I start editing my work. It would have worked better in such-and-such a way. But of course I didn’t know then what I know now. That’s why I was in school. Thank goodness that’s something I did.

COVID-19 Journal Entry 47

My mental health coping mechanism throughout the winter months has been to write something every day. Almost every evening since November 1 I’ve written 700 or 1000 or 1300 words of a continuous narrative. The content of this is less important* than the fine sense of accomplishment I had every day having completed a little chunk of story. It’s been nice to have something to focus on, think about, construct. I did it if I was in a good mood, or a bad mood, or too tired.

It’s been mostly a free-writing, get to the next plot point, just get in those words kind of writing. I like doing this at night because I’m less likely to think about what I’m doing too much. I’ve been cozied up on my chair with my big light on, listening to CBC Music (although at first I tried having Corronation St. on at the same time. This was pure folly).

At the beginning of March I decided to keep writing until March 19, which is a Friday. On March 20 I will try reading what I’ve written because I haven’t done that yet and I’ve forgotten what I did in November. Spring time might be a time for editing, but it might be a time for putting it away to pull out later because it suuuuuuuuuuucks and writing is hard and I don’t know why I bother**.

I’m looking forward to reading it. I enjoy reading my own work. I can be quite clever sometimes.

* “content isn’t important” means it’s not fit for human consumption

**This is a stage of the writing process. I don’t mind admitting that I’m really good, and well practiced at this part.

Things I Want to Remember about the Pandemic

(A mostly truthful numbered list of memories)

Number Three: A contant stash of Daiya Cheese Shreds.

A year ago, at the beginning of the pandemic, I bought Daiya Cheese Shreds as “a treat”. I don’t usually buy cheese shreds because I can grate my own cheese. But it’s weird times! Let’s live it up a little. I decided this weekend on the way home from getting another couple of packages during my grocery run that a year of getting a thing doesn’t really constitute a treat anymore and that I don’t really need to buy them anymore. Probably.

Sublist: things I’ve learned about Daiya Cheese Shreds:

  • They have a higher melting point than the cheese I usually use, but do melt eventually
  • They are coated in an oily film. This is extremely apparent when you get near the end of the bag
  • Taste good
  • Taste good on pizza
  • Taste good in macca-chee (though I combine with my usual cheese)
  • Resealable bag it’s packaged in doesn’t stand up in the fridge and flop all over the place.
  • Go on sale a lot
  • Dry out into wee sticks if dropped on the floor and forgotten.
  • Good on a “melt” style sandwich.

October 9, 2019 – China in Ten Days

I’m going to China in 10 days. Here are some things.

A) I have to remember how to do blog posts because I haven’t written any for a year. I’ve noticed that if I want the date to show at the top of my post, I have to enter it in the section marked “title” in my template here. I have always resisted using “titles” for my blog posts due to being lazy: e.g. it’s hard to summarize a post into a few words. Also: labels, schmabels. I seem to have done it today with little to no fuss on my part. We’ll see what happens in editing.

B) I am remembering how to blog, and setting it up for people to read even though I may not be able to post anything from China due to their unique internet strategy. I may end up writing some things and then posting later.

*** Note that blog posts, however, are separate from being able to contact Mum to assure her I am safe. I have several methods to to ensure this happens.***

C) I learned today that I can ask to refill my prescriptions early so I have enough for my whole trip. It’s not that I wouldn’t be allowed at all, but the question was whether my insurance would pay. All it took was for my pharmacist to enter a code in their computer, and me signing a wee disclosure and now I am fully stocked and will be able to breathe for the duration of my trip. Speaking of breathing, I forgot to ask about getting a mask in case the pollution in Beijing is a hindrance. I’ll go in and ask about it tomorrow or the next day– I’ve been in around 6 times now asking about travel things. One thing at a time, as I think of them or remember. I know I should have made a list, and made one spectacular visit, but the pharmacy is right across the street from my workplace, and I need things to do on my breaks.

I'm not taking the basket. Also I think you can see my underpants.

Familiar, well-travelled suitcase.

D) I’ve been packed since Saturday. Partly this is because I’ll be in Duncan over Thanksgiving weekend and I wasn’t sure I’d have time to pack next week… but more I love packing and I’m impressed I could even wait that long.

P.S. If you keep reading down my blog you’ll find my Mexico trip from a year ago. I know this isn’t made clear or obvious, but I wasn’t into using descriptive titles as much last year as I am now.

I just remembered I had a blog.  I remembered last night when I stayed up late reading it.  I’m funny.  Also, fun fact: I used to review all the books I read.  Fun fact # 2: I used to read books.  The book I am reading now is the Reader’s Digest “Stories of Everyday Things.”  I love everyday things!  Like crackers and detective stories and eyeglasses and stuff like that.  I’m about to read about fads (I’ve just reached the letter ‘f’.)

Yesterday was one of those days where I couldn’t do anything unless I was dressed *just so*.  I had to wear my red floopy hat, for example.  Then I had to take it off in a hurry because my head was hot!  It’s summer and my red floopy hat is for winter.  I’m silly.

Problem. I need a hair cut but I keep getting compliments on how cute my hair is.  Oh, Dear Diary, why does life present me with such challenges?  I already cancelled one appointment twice.  The second time was definately not within the 24 hours the hair place “requests” they recieve to make a cancellation.  I was all “f-you, hair place!” I didn’t really say that but I felt like maybe I should since I was totally Breaking The Rules!

This is the day I put a new design on my website.  I must be in a bit of a mood.  The mood I am in is: I just had pancakes with lots of syrup. Mm.

2011 by Lindsie

January.
Nothing. I don’t remember. No wait. I started a new job. Did I report on this last year? I started a new position with Liquor Licensing (BC Gov) on Jan 4, 2011, the same date I started with them in 2008. It was a pleasant reunion with everyone (there was hugs!) and I’ve had a good year working there. It’s nice to have a permanant job*.

*For now**

**Mum doesn’t like it when I add that part. Hehehe.

February.
Nothing. February sucks.

March.
My birthday. Everyone celebrate!

April.
Nothing. Oh! Except I moved at the end of the month, so I spent most of April worrying about that and packing. Fun story: on April 29 I decided that I Would Watch The Royal Wedding (as this is something that Lindsie is meant to do, having memories of the other royal wedding that happened in 1981). In order to stay up that late- the thing started at 2 in the morning or something,-I needed to keep myself occupied. As I was about to move, the kitchen needed that end-of-occupancy clean out, so I watched the wedding coverage while scrubbing out my fridge and pulling out the stove. I made it all shiney. My landlord was super impressed, and also amused with my Royal Wedding Story.

May.

Dance recitals. I was in two this year, since I was doing classes with two studios. Fun and all but I’m only at one studio this year so hopefully only one recital. This year I did tap with the teacher I had in Duncan (Nanna!) at a new school. We danced to Michael Jackson. That show was at Victoria Event Centre, where they serve alcohol. Note: performing at a place where they serve booze the whole time makes for a fun show, especially if you are late in the line-up. The other show was at the Royal, which isn’t as intimate as the other place, but has a really nice backstage area. Mum and dad came and watched, and my friend Susan, as I did some flamenco and ballet. Good show. We went for dinner afterwards.

June.

Nothing. Actually I think in June I went to Vancouver to see Wicked. That was with my friend Julie, who is my musical theatre friend. We both bought t-shirts even though neither of us meant to. P.S. I love musicals. They make me cry and want to sing along and I love them.

July.
I watched the whole of West Wing and Knitted. Summer! Also, my friends Amber and Mia visited. In our second annual summer fun time, we did fancy dinner, and took double decker busses, and went Craigdarrough castle. We also ate cupcakes.

Aug.
Some summer dance workshops. Some moping around. Went to work. Benefitted amply from the wealth of my dad’s garden. (Speaking of which, did you know you can buy green beans at the grocery store? Both fresh AND in cans. *Why Would Anyone Do This*? Doesn’t your dad grow way too many and make you take them?)

September.
Whined a lot.

October.
This wasn’t that long ago. I should remember. I got sick around Thanksgiving, which was also exactly when I took my vacation time. I didn’t have any big plans or anything, but I was Quite Annoyed. All year my health has been really good. My doctor suggested, though, that I’m now just catching everything I hadn’t caught yet. I’ve also figured out my asthma so that it’s under contol. I puff a puffer twice a day, with an “emergency” inhaler for when I need it, most importantly, just before my dance classes. Breathing Lindsie is happy Lindsie.

November.
Seriously. I bought flamenco shoes. I don’t have a couch yet, but I do have flamenco shoes. Priorities. I realize that this letter is rather dance-centric, but I think about it a lot. That and how I’m going to feed myself around all my dance classes. Two of my favorite things are dance and eating. Another favorite thing is watching TV but that’s not really something one writes about in their Christmas letter. However, I’m only writing this right now because there’s nothing on to watch.

December.
Hasn’t really happened yet. So far so good. I just vacuumed a bit. I’m trying to make my house clean and tidy before putting up Xmas decorations.

January, 2012.
This hasn’t happened yet, either, but I want to keep going….

February 2012.
I’m going to Spain to take some flamenco workshops. I’m also going to drink sherry, and do other Spain things. Spain has never been on my radar of somewhere to visit so I don’t know what to expect!

And here is a bonus story .

I almost remember, now, how letting a piece of writing “sit” for a few days makes it better.  I ignored my latest work just from Thursday and even just today (Monday) it doesn’t seem as sucky as I thought it was.  Just needed a little tweaking to make it tolerable, and now I’m going to ignore it for a couple more days.  And it’s so much easier to get rid of those precious paragraphs I thought were so great a few days ago.  It doesn’t fit?  It’s gone!  (Just from this version, of course, I’ll keep it in an earlier draft just in case.  I hate having twinges of memory about previously written stuff that is no longer to be found.  Granted, often I have just imagined that I wrote it down…)

I got back from Duncan last night.  I took a day there after visiting Nanaimo due to train schedules.  Well, train “schedule” singular as it only runs once a day.  I took a long walk in the mud with my mum– that was through trees, and with the rain, there was a lot of mud.  Around behind the neighborhood through to a huge new development full of huge new houses.  Huge, puffy houses.  I am alternately disgusted that the trees are gone, and craving one of my own.  (These examples, however, were a little too huge.)

I also read the Globe and Mail which makes for a pleasant day.

Tonight I can hear the tv from Someone Else’s Apartment.  This doesn’t usually happen.  Usually this only happens on Monday nights when there is a new “CSI: Miami” on because my neighbors watch it really loud.  I don’t mind– I used to be watching it too.  I don’t mind now that I don’t watch it as it seems to be the only thing they ever watch.

I caught a cold today.  Work gave it to me, I think.  Stupid cold.  I came home and sucked back on my asthma inhaler to try and prevent that whole debacle.  The asthma debacle, I mean.  Also an indication that I am sick:  I had tea with caffeine in it to try and stay awake at work, and then had a nap when I got home.  Caffeine and sleep aren’t normally compatable in my body.  Although I do seem to be pretty awake and keen to go now, and it’s pretty late.

For some reason I’m not computing words when they are written vertical.  Or numbers either.  I was just now sure that my music playlist was out of order, listing “1,2,3” but that’s a pretty routine sequence, wouldn’t you say.  Another example, in letters, is the word “church” that is written on a building near my work in great, big, letters.  I looked up at this the other day and my brain thought it was a loopy, decorative maze or something.  A second later I could see the letters again, but it was wacky not seeing them for a second.  (P.S. The word “church” is on an actual church, if you were wondering).

Also today I got a funny look for describing the big painting on the side of a building (another building, not the church) as a “mural”.  But that’s what paintings are called when they’re huge and on the sides of buildings, right?  I am obviously pretentious, not just aware of the correct words for things.

I came up with a mildly clever transition today, joining two previously seperate stories.  At least I hope it’s clever.  When transitions aren’t clever they read like the woogly-woogly lines in “Wayne’s World”.  And the more I read, and the more I try to write transitions, the more I see the woogly-woogly effect.

It’s remembrance day so I spent some time remembering, and thinking. It doesn’t feel like enough.

I’m showing symptoms: sore throat, tight chest and a bit of a cough. It’s the chest part that worries me, but only because it lasts. There are respiratory problems with H1N1, but my chest always gets tight when I’m sick so I don’t know if I should worry about it in this new way or not. While I think about that I’m knitting and writing my Nano. While I knit I have “The Eyre Affair” on CD to listen to. I’m going to start a new patten, though, so I think I’ll have to leave the “book” off for a while so I can think about my rounds. (Of knitting… and each one is going to be different, which is why I have to think and leave off the book, which would either be distracting, or wouldn’t get listened to properly).

I use the word “probably” too much in my writing. Things should either be what they are, or not, and no probably about it. I occasionally blame my characters for their indecisiveness; however, ultimately, their indecisiveness is my fault, isn’t it?

There was nothing on TV last night so I wrote instead. I wish this was how things progressed in my normal routine.

I was feeling crazy, restless and weird this morning. Well, from about 10:20 to 2. Then I ate hamburgers and now I feel better. I hoped that this was the case. However, in my craziness I forgot that two hamburgers is too many. One is enough! And then I suppose I could compliment it with some salad or vegetables.

I’m not sharing my NanoWrimo efforts publicly this year. I think I have in the past… I can’t remember. But I’m trying to be more real about what I’m writing (opposed to my usual fantasies) and don’t want the pressure/judgement of others reading it to cramp my style. It’ll be shared at a later point, no doubt.

I have plans to visit Julie B in Vancouver next week when I am there. Yaw! I have her link somewhere… Haw: here it is. It doesn’t actually show her if you look, but her essence is definately present.

I used the extra hour of the time change this morning to write… And check my face book and email and everything needed in preparation for writing. I have about zero discipline. I’m still trying to edit through my Nano from 2007, and have just forgotten/denied everything from my 05 and 06 attempts.